Praise God for a pretty smooth day! The morning was ‘normal’ for the most part whatever that means. I was able to complete much needed to do tasks and still have some time to relax before class. My afternoon and night were great too! Class went well I think and I ate dinner with Bianca’s family after. I wish more days were like this.
Somewhere in the middle though I felt God speaking to me about my trust in him. The Bible says the faith of a mustard seed is enough to move mountains (Matt 17:20). I feel like I must have at least that, the mustard seed is so tiny! There is however a mighty hinderer of faith called doubt that I realize I have way too much of. Many times it seems like the Scripture must be mistaken about mustard seeds or maybe there was a different, gigantic monster variety that existed in Jesus day because often I find I suffer from insufficient faith to do even the smallest tasks for Gods kingdom. What I really felt God telling me was about proportion. Faith in proportion to doubt. My faith is either great or small in proportion to my doubt. In Matthew 21:12 Jesus tells his disciples after withering a fig tree, you can do this too if you have faith and do not doubt. Jesus doesn’t tell them “you can do this if you get more faith. And to move the mountain? well you need even more faith.” I don’t need faith the size of a mountain to move one, I just need a mountain of faith in proportion to my doubt.
I don’t want to continue in this ‘God of the impossible, I’m open to anything’ mentality but not really believing he wants to do mighty miraculous works right now. I think this is why I sometimes feel Christian commands like evangelism and prayer are so hard to do regularly because I’m not really expecting God to work. I’m open to it because God can do anything but I’m often hindered by doubts that God would really use me, a regular person.:/
This is an area I know will take sometime to grow in, but I’m glad it was revealed to me as an area to be conscious and aware.
